Hint: Try equity, support, and a break from the mental load.
Every May, the world showers moms with flowers, bath bombs, chocolate, and a side of brunch. Don’t get us wrong, these gifts are sweet and well-intentioned. But they’re also temporary and surface-level.
They’re the sprinkles, not the cake.
What do moms really want for Mother’s Day? It’s not something you can throw in a cart at Target the night before.
We want support.
We want to be seen.
We want an actual partner.
We don’t need a helper or someone who asks, “Do you need anything?” as she’s folding laundry with one hand and refereeing a sibling squabble with the other. A true partner is someone who sees the invisible labor she’s doing and picks it up without needing a checklist.
Because let’s be real: no amount of French toast can make up for years of imbalance.
So what do moms want? Let’s try for long-term change, consistent effort, and a daily presence that shows, “We’re in this together.”
The supermom is a mythical creature.
The idea that moms can juggle the school calendar, the soccer snacks, a full-time job, emotional labor, and a side of “self-care” is not just unrealistic. It’s harmful.
And meanwhile, dads are still getting applause for doing the grocery run or “watching the kids.” Watching? Sir, they are your children, too. You are not a babysitter.
Data backs this up. A 2020 Pew Research Center study found that 78% of moms say they do more than their partner when it comes to kids’ schedules and activities. We’re not just talking about chores here. We’re talking about the mental load.
There are hundreds of examples, but here are just a handful:
Dr. Lucia Ciciolla, a psychologist and researcher, puts it plainly: “When mothers feel responsible for the emotional well-being of everyone in the home, it creates stress and anxiety. And over time, this kind of sustained mental effort takes a toll.”
Spoiler: The toll is high. While moms are quietly burning through just to keep the machine running, they’re missing out on sleep, joy, and health. Let’s give some back starting now.
Eve Rodsky’s Fair Play is like a megaphone for every mom who’s ever screamed internally while cleaning a preschool lunchbox at 10 p.m.
Rodsky’s framework is genius: 100 household tasks, divided fairly. It’s not a 50/50 approach, but a custom breakdown that makes sense for your life. It’s not about counting who does what. It’s about owning tasks from start to finish (she calls it CPE: conception, planning, execution).
No more “I’ll just do it because it’s faster.” That’s how resentment is born.
Rodsky’s whole thesis? All time is created equal. A conference call is not more important than preschool drop-off. Full stop.
When couples actually implement the Fair Play Method, the results are transformational. Research shows better communication, more intimacy, and fewer 2 a.m. pillow fights over who forgot to RSVP to the birthday party.
We all know who forgot anyway ;)
Let’s break it down. You want to impress a mom on Mother’s Day? Try one of these instead:
Moms don’t want to manage you on top of managing the household. We are not the foremen of the family construction site.
If you see crumbs, clean them. If you see the laundry, start it. If the fridge is empty, fill it.
You know the drill. If you don't, get to know it.
Do. Not. Ask. Just do.
Take responsibility instead of waiting for direction. Be the co-leader of your home, not the new intern waiting for assignments.
A spa day is cute. When mom has to line up the sitter, prep snacks, and triple-confirm logistics before she leaves, that’s not a break. That’s unpaid project management.
One study from Ohio State found working moms average 36 minutes of uninterrupted free time per day. That’s a bathroom break with the door locked, if she’s lucky.
As journalist Lauren Smith Brody once said:
“I don’t want flowers. I want a day where I don’t have to make one single decision. Not one. I want my brain to go on vacation.”
Don’t wait for Hallmark to remind you she exists. Say thank you when it matters.
Marvel at her ability to organize the school fundraiser, remember your mom’s birthday, and book everyone’s flu shots. That is emotional labor. That is time.
Emotional support is a stronger predictors of well-being in working moms than salary or flexibility.
Translation: saying “thank you” regularly isn’t optional, it’s essential—and it's as simple as that.
You know what would really knock her socks off this Mother’s Day? No, it’s not a new pair of fuzzy socks.
Get that family calendar out and send an invite for a recurring task that you’re going to own, permanently. You might also have a sit-down convo (or date?) to finally redistribute the labor.
According to the Modern Family Index, 85% of moms in dual-income households still handle the majority of household planning and organizing. That’s not equity. That’s survival mode. And it’s not sustainable.
Let’s name it:
Invisible labor isn’t just exhausting. It’s erasure.
Moms do it constantly, and they rarely get credit. In fact, Pew found that while nearly half of dads think they split the load equally, only 20% of moms agree.
That gap? It’s where burnout lives.
Here’s how to skip the guilt gifts and get into real partner territory:
Instead of a Hectic Brunch. Take Something Off Her Plate
Brunch is great, but not when mom is sitting in her seat draped in children who won’t eat their eggs.
Instead, pick a recurring task (or tasks) and own it forever. No reminders. No follow-up.
Instead of Date Night, Fair Play Night
Download the cards. Read the book. Sit down and divvy up the labor like grown adults. Okay, you can take mom on a date, too.
Instead of Family Time, Give Her True Alone Time
She doesn’t need a bubble bath while the kids bang on the door. She doesn’t need to face the cleanup from a Mother’s Day breakfast that made the mess of a lifetime.
Get out of the house. Now. Give her a little peace.
Instead of a Hallmark Card, Say the Thing Out Loud
Try this: “I see how much you’re doing. I want to do more. I’m learning how to carry this with you.”
Instead of Asking What She Needs, Give Her What She Wants
You probably already know what bugs her. Do that thing she’s always doing. Take it off her plate without a production.
Mother’s Day should not be the one day a mom feels appreciated. But it can be the day things start to shift.
Because when you ask moms what they really want, it’s not another mug or bracelet or bath bomb.
It’s this:
“I want to be seen.”
“I want to stop carrying everything alone.”
“I want a teammate, not a tag-along.”
So give her the gift of equity, daily effort, and real-deal partnership.
That’s how you love a mom this Sunday, and every day after.